There are storms that roar in with wind and thunder, and then there are storms that arrive in silence—the kind that unravel you from the inside out long before you realize something is wrong.

Trauma does that. It doesn’t always shout. Sometimes it whispers through numbness, fog, and dissociation—through a body that remembers pain even when your mind is too exhausted to speak of it. And for years, I lived in that silent storm.

When Trauma Enters the Body Before the Mind Can Understand

My roller coaster began the day my sister tragically died in a car accident . Grief hit like a wrecking ball, but I didn’t fall apart right away. Trauma rarely works on schedule.

Then came the next storm: my husband’s diagnosis with Fanconi Anemia, a rare genetic cancer-causing disease. Overnight I became a caregiver, an advocate, a fighter and somewhere in the chaos, without noticing, I stopped being Amanda.

By 2020, doctors had me on at least thirteen different antidepressants and sedatives. My mind was so fogged that I couldn’t tell where the medication ended and the trauma began. Every morning after my husband’s bone marrow transplant, I would wake up feeling like I wasn’t fully in my body. And that’s when I would hear Him—the sweet Spirit of the Lord asking, “Amanda, where are you? Can you hear anything? Can you see anything? Can you feel anything? Please answer Me.”

He did not say this in condemnation nor was it in frustration. He said it in invitation. A gentle nudge to bring me back into myself, like a Shepherd calling to a scattered, exhausted sheep.

Taking Inventory When You Can’t Feel Anything

So in this I learned to take inventory of my senses. I would start with my feet. Can I feel them? Are they warm? Cold? Present? Then I would work my way upward.

Some days I could feel everything. Most days I couldn’t. Often my hands and arms felt like they didn’t belong to me at all. And that’s what dissociation does—it disconnects the soul from the body, not out of weakness, but out of protection.

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted

and saves the crushed in spirit.”

— Psalm 34:18

For three years, I repeated this morning ritual. Feeling little or nothing, acknowledging it, offering it to God, and hoping one day I would wake up whole again. I thought I needed more medicine. But Jesus was quietly teaching me something far deeper.

Healing Didn’t Come in a Pill — It Came in a Person

One day, the Lord began guiding me gently and slowly towards something different. Not another prescription, but a purposeful outlet. For me it was praying and painting.

I would sit with a canvas, a brush, and all the emotions I didn’t know how to say out loud. I poured out anger, grief, fear, hope, and longing in every stroke. I prayed with my hands when my mouth didn’t know how to pray anymore.

And something miraculous happened there. I began braving my medication withdrawals and I began feeling again.

And once I began returning to myself. I learned that healing is rarely passive. It usually requires movement in the spiritual, emotional, physical senses—much like faith requires action.

“He restores my soul.”

— Psalm 23:3

But here is the heart of what I want you to know:

1. You do not have to paint to heal.

2. You do not have to be creative, talented or expressive.

Sometimes healing looks like:

• praying and cleaning your kitchen

• praying and sweeping your floors

• praying while folding laundry

• praying while tending your garden

• praying while walking outside

Anything that expends energy can become worship. Anything that grounds your body can anchor your soul. Because healing is not about what you do—it’s about who you turn toward while you do it.

Even Jesus Experienced Dissociation

If you’ve ever felt detached, numb, or overwhelmed, I want you to hear this with gentleness. Even Christ experienced something similar when He was in the Garden of Gethsemane, His sorrow became so heavy that Scripture says, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.” (Matthew 26:38). And Luke adds that, “His sweat became like drops of blood.” (Luke 22:44)

Medical experts call this hematidrosis, a rare stress response when the body undergoes extreme trauma. And His mind, His emotions and His physical body were all pushed to the brink.

Jesus (not just divine, but human) knows the feeling of a soul pulling away under unbearable weight.

He understands every form of suffering and He is not distant from dissociation. He has walked through it, prayed through it and triumphed over it.

When Your Heart Begins to Return

Healing may not arrive in a dramatic moment. For many of us, it comes in tiny awakenings like a breath you didn’t think you could take. A tear you didn’t know you still had. A moment when you can feel your hands again or a simple spark of hope you thought had died.

These are not small victories. These are resurrections.

“Be still, and know that I am God.”

— Psalm 46:10

That being said, stillness is not inactivity. It is the awareness that God is holding the pieces you cannot yet feel.

A Final Word to the One Still in the Storm

If you are reading this and your world feels blurred, heavy, or far away. And if your senses feel muted and you wake up and wondering where “you” went. Hear the Lord whisper to your heart the same way He whispered to mine, “Where are you? Can you hear Me? Can you feel anything? I am here. Come back to Me.”

You are not broken. You’re are safe and Jesus is already guiding you home.

If This Series Has Blessed You…

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