I have always lived by a simple phrase:

“Assume nothing. Know everything.”

Not because I believe it is possible—or even wise to know everything. Scripture warns us plainly against becoming arrogant in knowledge. But because the prideful assumptions of mankind have always been man’s greatest folly. Time and again, it is not ignorance that wounds most deeply—it is assumption dressed up as certainty.

There is a vast difference between wisdom and information. And there is equal danger on both sides: the danger of knowing too little, and the danger of believing we know enough.

True wisdom requires humility and the willingness to pause, to listen, to investigate, and to ask God for discernment before we decide how to act.

“To answer before listening—

that is folly and shame.”

—Proverbs 18:13 (NIV)

When Knowledge Is Applied Without Understanding

I once knew someone who was deeply grounded in Scripture and someone who genuinely desired to do what was right in the eyes of God. Then when tragedy struck too close to home, they reached instinctively for biblical structure. They prescribed a period of mourning based on what they understood from Scripture, believing that once that time had passed, healing should naturally follow.

Their intention was not cruelty, but rather order. However, they neglected to realize that grief does not always obey structure.

And what they failed to recognize was that this was not ordinary sorrow. This was not grief that came gently or naturally through the due process of time. This was tragic loss and the kind that fractures something deep within a person.

The Bible has a name for this.

“The human spirit can endure in sickness,

but a broken spirit—who can bear?”

—Proverbs 18:14 (NRSVA)

A broken spirit is not simply sadness extended over time. It is trauma. It is shock. It is grief entangled with unanswered questions, regret, guilt, horror, and disbelief. And it cannot be healed by timelines.

Mourning Is Not the Same as a Broken Spirit

Scripture does speak about mourning. The Law of Moses included periods of mourning, and those laws served a purpose within their historical and cultural context. But they were given in a world that understood death differently. In a world with stronger communal containment of grief, fewer traumatic variables, and far less isolation.

Tragedy today often arrives violently, suddenly, and without explanation. Drug overdoses. Accidents. Suicide. Violence. Losses that leave the soul disoriented and the heart struggling to breathe.

The Bible does not deny this reality, but rather it acknowledges it.

“Though He brings grief, He will show compassion, so great is His unfailing love.”

—Lamentations 3:32 (NIV)

Nowhere in Scripture does God assign an expiration date to grief. Instead, we are commanded to enter it with one another.

“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.”

—Romans 12:15 (NIV)

No qualifier. No timeframe. No instruction to hurry someone along.

When Wisdom Must Step In and Correct Assumption

I have seen this mistake repeated more than once and not out of malice, but out of misplaced confidence. And each time, those closest to the grieving had to step in and gently correct it.

Because when grief becomes a broken spirit, it requires more than knowledge. It requires tact, patience, and gentleness. It requires prayerful discernment. And sometimes, it requires those nearby to say, “Stop. This is not something you can fix with structure.”

Scripture makes provision for this humility.

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault.”

—James 1:5 (NIV)

God does not rebuke those who ask for wisdom. He rebukes those who assume they already have enough.

A Word to Men—Especially Younger Men

This message is especially important for men. Particularly men who have been taught that leadership means decisiveness, solutions, and control are bad. When in reality it was never intended by God to be such, but rather used with God given wisdom and grace.

And women, who have on the other hand, long been taught that we must be the strong ones. Thus, leading to mental health crisis’s and gender role confusion across all levels of society today. Because of the clashes that ensue between men and women on this topic.

That said, I firmly believe that we must all come to the realization, of what we ourselves are capable of doing and not doing, and therefore being able to humble ourselves and being able to ask for assistance when we need it. Because all of God’s Word is based upon this one truth whether it be through repentance or respect.

“Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.”

—James 4:10 (NKJV)

Now, young men, I realize that this is not an easy thing to read but please bear with me. I know that your heart craves respect from those who you care about (and above all else), be it your wife or girlfriend and even your children. But you are not going to gain the respect that you crave until you:

1. Stop fighting (it doesn’t matter who with) just stop!
2. Start listening (to God, to your wife and to your children).

Only then will God raise you up to the respect you desire from your wife and your children. And even further if you continue to humble yourself before Him—who knows He might even promote you to the level as He did Abraham, when He called him friend. And you might even begin to hear Him more audibly like many believers today. Who knows? But I do know this:

“Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”

—1 Peter 3:7 (NIV)

That being said:

Understanding requires listening.

Understanding requires restraint.

Understanding requires gentleness.

“Gentleness” does not mean weakness. It means being careful with what can be damaged. And strength is not shown by managing grief efficiently. Rather godliness is shown by handling hearts carefully.

Life’s Lesson

To assume nothing is not to distrust, but it is to honor.

To seek understanding is not to hesitate, rather it is to obey.

And to ask God for wisdom is not weakness, but it is reverence.

“What does the Lord require of you?

To act justly, to love mercy,

and to walk humbly with your God.”

—Micah 6:8

This is the first lesson in a series devoted to learning what humility, wisdom, and discernment look like when applied to real life and not to theory.

This series is going to be issued once per month, and I encourage you to save these for your own reference if you feel that you may need to revisit this in the future.

A Gentle Invitation

If this post spoke to you—if it resonated with your own experiences of grief, misunderstanding, or growth—I invite you to support this work.

Writing pieces like this takes time, prayer, and emotional labor. If you’d like to help sustain Country Girl Gone City and the ongoing work behind it, you can do so by leaving a small tip on Buy Me a Coffee. Your support helps keep thoughtful, Scripture-rooted writing freely available to others who may need it.

Thank you for reading.

Thank you for listening.

And thank you for walking this journey with me.