Marriage in today’s world can feel more challenging than ever, with societal pressures and personal expectations often steering couples into a “me-first” mindset. Too often, we focus on what we can get out of our relationships, rather than what we can contribute. When those desires go unmet, many of us resort to nagging, complaining, or feeling unfulfilled—turning our relationships into transactional exchanges. While I’ve been guilty of this at times in my own marriage, I’ve come to understand that constantly expecting something from your spouse, without regard for what they need, can lead to dissatisfaction for both partners.

My husband Dexter and I have been married for 24 years, and through those years, we’ve learned that healthy marriages require wisdom, patience, and prayer. Like many couples, we’ve had our fair share of challenges—whether from external life circumstances or internal emotional struggles. What has helped us navigate these difficulties isn’t arguing or insisting on getting our way. Instead, I’ve realized the importance of slowing down, pausing before reacting, and thinking about the bigger picture.

It’s so easy to react in the moment. Maybe your spouse didn’t take out the trash or forgot something important. In those moments, we want to vent our frustrations, but doing so often causes unnecessary conflict. Proverbs 15:1 wisely states, “A soft word turns away wrath,” and I’ve found that this is a crucial truth in marriage. Overreacting in the heat of the moment not only exacerbates the issue but also drives a wedge between you and the person you’ve committed to love, honor, and cherish. Learning to breathe, reflect, and sometimes pray for understanding can make all the difference.

One of the best things I’ve learned over these two-plus decades is the power of prayer in marriage. When tensions arise, rather than escalate an argument, I’ve found that turning to God and telling Him about my frustrations helps me maintain perspective. It allows me to see beyond my immediate emotions and refocus on the love and respect I have for Dexter. More often than not, in the time I take to pray, I find that my frustrations cool, and solutions seem more manageable. It also allows me to offer grace—not just to Dexter, but to myself.

This practice has kept our bond strong, even through life’s toughest battles, including illnesses and personal hardships. By giving both my husband and myself some grace and letting God handle the bigger issues, we’ve found that not only can we overcome challenges, but we also grow closer through them. A marriage built on love, patience, and understanding allows for true intimacy and partnership to develop.

To my readers who are married or in relationships: it’s worth remembering that not every battle needs to be fought. Sometimes, peace and growth come from stepping back and trusting in love, prayer, and God. We are all flawed, but when we approach each other with grace and patience, our relationships can become stronger and more fulfilling.

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